Caution Conrad onboard
by SirShriek
Summary: After saving the Commander's life, Conrad gets an invite to serve on the Normandy, humor and confusion ensues. 1st chapter might not make sense until I write and upload the others.
1. Chapter 1

For such an advanced ship the elevator was damned slow. He was tired, so tired. He just wanted to climb into bed and curl up next to his special someone. He absently rubbed a bleary eye as the doors opened and he stumbled out. He wasn't used to these hours, the war needed him, Shepard needed him, he was doing his best.

Stepping into the next room, he was greeted by the whispering noise of deep breathing. _Already asleep, must be quiet. _To his strained brain it seemed easier to think in abbreviation. Despite the softly waving glow from the aquarium he still managed to put his N7 feetie pajamas on upside down, trying in vain to push his head through what he believed to be the neck hole but was in fact where his foot was supposed to go, stub his toe on a pair of discarded boots, sending them clattering down the three steps that led the way into the second half of the room. He followed them in the same manner shortly after, whilst clutching at his foot and hopping on the other. He winced at the relatively loud thump,_ please don't be awake,_ a groan from the sleeping figure responded to his thought. A string of muttered curses and profanity from various races and languages escaped his lips. Being relatively close to the double bed he hauled himself up into it. Once settled an arm slid around his waist. The arm felt rougher than he'd expected, but he dismissed it as a side effect of being in the military and almost constant firefights. Securing that arm around him he laced his fingers between that arms hand. _Kind of tricky.. Can't find all the fingers.. Ow! Sharp... Talons? _This wasn't right. He tried to slide away from the heat that pressed against his back. The arm pulled him closer. "Shepard..." A gruff voice mumbled. _Don't panic. _Obviously he disregarded his own advice as he began screaming like a girl. The owner of the arm flicked on a lamp, a few seconds of silence as eyes adjusted to the light, and joined in screaming.

He found himself screaming into the face of a green turian, who promptly returned the favor. The turian's regained composure melted into disbelief_. "CONRAD?" _

Gathering what was left of his self confidence Conrad said as nonchalantly as he could. ''Whoops, wrong room. Not a word of this." Then practically ran out the room, leaving a confused Garrus to wonder what in the spirits was wrong with that guy.


	2. Chapter 2

Heart rate slowing and breath becoming more even as the minutes passed, the mildly addled turian dragged a clawed hand hand down his face. He left his hand there for a moment, or he would have if it wasn't so sweaty and simply slid off his chin. _What time is it? _A glance at the holo-clock. _Even though I have the time, I'm not going back to sleep. _He would have to come to terms with it eventually, but for now the usual humdrum morning tasks seemed utterly enthralling.

Making the bed was easy enough, pillows at the top, sheets haphazardly dangling over the mattress as sheets do. Trying not to remember who invaded it was was the difficult part. _Did Conrad know he share's Shepard's bed? If not then it's probably some creepy human fan thing. If he does know, two options, Conrad likes Shepard (Obvious.) and was simply counting on me calibrating, or he likes me. _That thought hit him like an off-course Dreadnought. _The sheets. You were putting the sheets back into place. _He smoothed out the bigger wrinkles in the sheets.

Next item on the agenda is feeding the furry little mammal. _Hamster._ The fuzzy little thing hated him with a vengeance. He had met it during the Collector mission. How he had rejoiced when he had returned to the Normandy after the events of Menae finding the creature gone, only to be crushed a few days later when Shepard informed him that she'd found it scuttling around on the lower engineering deck. Boo she calls it. The first time he'd held it, it had weed on him and caused a slight allergic reaction. The little blighter then scampered up his arm and made a dive for the inside of his clothes. When he had finally fished it out it bit him. Shepard had been in hysterics when he had gone to see her about it. He opened the lid a fraction, then dropped the food in, clinking on the small ceramic bowl. Boo didn't wake. _Perhaps it's dead. _

After dressing he made his was to his usual post in main battery.


	3. Chapter 3

It was what passed for morning on the Normandy SR2 and a bedraggled and somewhat embarrassed Conrad was on the crew deck trying to figure out what was edible in the kitchen. Rectangular packets and cylindrical containers lined the cupboard shelves, some were red and others were blue. Since he had a red stripe on the pajamas he was still wearing he decided to eat a red one. It was some kind of cold meat, like ham, it tasted odd. This flavor caused involuntarily rejection of the half assed digested nutritional food stuff. He collapsed to the cold floor and curled up in the fetal position clutching at his guts.

That was how Shepard found him. Rolling around in his own vomit moaning in agony beside a half eaten ration in torn red plastic. With a sigh Shepard waved away the good doctor as she advanced with curiosity from the med bay.

"Conrad?" Shepard inquired crouching near the edge of the puke puddle. "How'd you end up on the floor?"

"Nugh." Conrad mumbled, his head lolling to face his idol.

Shepard scooped up the packaging and turned it so that Conrad could see the bold black print on the side.

" 'Dextro'." We have the blue ones." Shepard stood and turned to Chakwas with a helpless expression. The doctor chuckled and went to retrieve something from the med bay.

"When you're feeling better I have a few errands for you to run on the Citadel." Shepard said as she messaged his omnitool with a list of things to do. She then left to find a mop.


End file.
